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xMyOwnMindx

speaking.

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okay, i need to speak with no one in partiular.

its 5:16pm

 

i cannot get a word through to my parents

im trying to tell them that if you get to the point where words

can be brushed off then you have power.

bruises heal

i can take a few hits

but a few words

pain me

and my mom is the same way

but they wont listen to a word i have to say

 

im so sick of school

its so beat

i dont wanna clean my room

its pointless

im being a perfect mix

of lazy angsy teen

and smoker who's tried of all this.

 

im so tired of aruging with them

 

they cant do anything

they think if they take my phone

ill stop cursing?

heck no!

if they take my phone ill just be out alot more cuz i wont be able to get anywhere cuz i cant get a ride

i guess im gonna have to compact growing up

reall fast

im getting my job

minimum wage

7ish dollars an hour

ill work my butt off

pay for my phone

my drugs

my clothes

and use home as a place to stay and freeload food

 

its come to this

im not "part" of my famiyl anymore

im simplely a bother

and honeslty

im okay with it

 

i just need some money

and learn how to manage it

and i can pick myself together

 

cuz although i feel like im dealing with alot,

im not

i have no tragedies

and no problems

Susanna: Then what's wrong with me, huh? What is going on inside my head? Tell me, *Dr. Val*. What's your diag-nonsense?

Valerie: You are a lazy, self-indulgent *little girl*, who is driving herself crazy.

 

basically, thats me

and i feel crazy

cuz im all burnt out

from smoking everyday

and i cant do anything

and all i know is i cant wait till they go out and im alone

and i can sit and think and read, write and smoke a bowl with my friends

i wanna clam everything down

and feel okay

 

i dont wanna feel controlled by food

i know i loose weight like that (im about 7 pounds UP from the lowest i got to)

but it controls me

and i AM NOT anorexic.

i know its okay to be hungry to a deegree

but i dont wanna feel like theres nothing else

 

i need to see my best friend

she spends EVERY second of the time shes not sleeping or at school with her boyfriend

he picks her up from school at 2:30 and drops her off home at 11.

then they talk on the phone till they fall asleep and call each other in the morning

its like she traded drugs for an overbearing but equal relationship

 

im made grimes right now

i need to shower

i need to breathe

i cant take all this.

 

but at least this week is crazy good.

i have school tomorrow and wednesday.

so basically.. im barely gonna sleep

im messing up so bad

me and mona both

our friendships are changing

we know were slipping

but we cant stop

we love being high

love being smashed

love trying new drugs

and blowing off the world

to feel good for a few hours

 

to feel okay.

 

(i dont want "i told you so" replys... i dont know if i wanna hear wut anyones gonna say. truth is scary.)

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its okay. no words nessisary.

 

k, so i FINALLY took a shower.

im such a junkie. lol.

im going out later

 

as much as a mess up i seem

all these drugs

problems with my mom

all that

ive done 9 and 1/2 hours of serivce hours this week.

very CRAZY

 

i love the spice girls

im entirely burnt out

i can barely stand it

when im sober

i wish i wasnt

and when im not

im happy

i cant go more then 3 days

without something

 

im hoping i can get some bud today

mona's got robo and beer

she was drunk and high on various drugs last night

i watched the wall high

like actually watched it

cuz once before i tried watching it high

but there were too many people there

so everyone was talking

and we didnt really watch

but WOW. NEW FAVORITE MOVIE!

 

im in love with the wall..

mmmmm pink floyd<333

 

so anyway

im also in love with the shower

i FINALLY got to take.

i know, its nasty that i went so long w/o one

but like monday night i partied, then crashed at mona's then went straight to hanging out with jamie,then i didnt shower for school cuz i thought id be okay.. yeah, gross..

then i went to liz's house

and i wanted to shower

between school and her house

but i didnt have time

and i was burnt as heck

and i was like.. well if im gonna be smoking and all that then i can be gross, who cares

so then i got picked up from them and i had CS to do

so as soon as that was over

i shower.

thats NASTY

4 days...

ew.

 

anyway,

in love with this kid named kev

cuz his bud is the sexxxxxx

darn, i love it

 

i wanna party

tomorrow is friday!

gotta hit one up with mona.

 

mmmm party scene<3333

im so there.

 

i love it.

 

and i know i gotta spend a day cleaning and doing my homework.

i guess ill skip sleeping one night

and do that

i cant do homework this burnt

but its neverending

oh crud... my brain cells!

hahahah

 

PLU<333

stay sweet HD.

ha.

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Drugs aren't cool ... drinking isn't cool ... smoking isn't cool ... partying isn't cool.

 

I'm sorry, but you're falling into the stereotypical life of teenagers. There is nothing wrong with not doing those things, but I can see that you're trapped into the hands of things you can't control, the things you can't give up. It's sad. I hurt for you.

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Drugs aren't cool ... drinking isn't cool ... smoking isn't cool ... partying isn't cool.

 

I'm sorry, but you're falling into the stereotypical life of teenagers. There is nothing wrong with not doing those things, but I can see that you're trapped into the hands of things you can't control, the things you can't give up. It's sad. I hurt for you.

 

oh relax man.

thats not even about drugs that much!

 

its got alot of CS in it. lol

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Drugs aren't cool ... drinking isn't cool ... smoking isn't cool ... partying isn't cool.

 

I'm sorry, but you're falling into the stereotypical life of teenagers. There is nothing wrong with not doing those things, but I can see that you're trapped into the hands of things you can't control, the things you can't give up. It's sad. I hurt for you.

 

oh relax man.

thats not even about drugs that much!

 

its got alot of CS in it. lol

1)what's CS?

2)no, but we know you do drugs.

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Drugs aren't cool ... drinking isn't cool ... smoking isn't cool ... partying isn't cool.

 

I'm sorry, but you're falling into the stereotypical life of teenagers. There is nothing wrong with not doing those things, but I can see that you're trapped into the hands of things you can't control, the things you can't give up. It's sad. I hurt for you.

 

oh relax man.

thats not even about drugs that much!

 

its got alot of CS in it. lol

1)what's CS?

2)no, but we know you do drugs.

1. community serive

2. ...

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Drugs aren't cool ... drinking isn't cool ... smoking isn't cool ... partying isn't cool.

 

I'm sorry, but you're falling into the stereotypical life of teenagers. There is nothing wrong with not doing those things, but I can see that you're trapped into the hands of things you can't control, the things you can't give up. It's sad. I hurt for you.

 

oh relax man.

thats not even about drugs that much!

 

its got alot of CS in it. lol

1)what's CS?

2)no, but we know you do drugs.

1. community serive

2. ...

 

On a brighter note, where are you working now?

 

I'm thinking about getting a job ... but I really don't know if I should. I'm turning fifteen in (exactly) a month, and would rather just wait to get a job at the movie theater, rather than work at a grocery store that's going down the drain.

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Drugs aren't cool ... drinking isn't cool ... smoking isn't cool ... partying isn't cool.

 

I'm sorry, but you're falling into the stereotypical life of teenagers. There is nothing wrong with not doing those things, but I can see that you're trapped into the hands of things you can't control, the things you can't give up. It's sad. I hurt for you.

 

oh relax man.

thats not even about drugs that much!

 

its got alot of CS in it. lol

1)what's CS?

2)no, but we know you do drugs.

1. community serive

2. ...

 

On a brighter note, where are you working now?

 

I'm thinking about getting a job ... but I really don't know if I should. I'm turning fifteen in (exactly) a month, and would rather just wait to get a job at the movie theater, rather than work at a grocery store that's going down the drain.

 

i still dont have a job.

i need one. lol.

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It returns! :lol:

thats pretty rad.

it just pops back up! :]

 

anyway, since this is my own personal thread about .. speaking.. wut i do best(worst? lol)

i think ill continue..

 

i think im too young for the new message board i joined.

im still so naive and inexpierienced compared to these people of all ages that post there..

 

alot of the people there are between 20 and like 40.

its a pretty cool place though.

very open.

topics about sex, drugs, activism, politics, poetry, drinking, paranoia, hippies, the future etc.

its pretty cool, but i am very ignorant.

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It returns! :lol:

thats pretty rad.

it just pops back up! :]

 

anyway, since this is my own personal thread about .. speaking.. wut i do best(worst? lol)

i think ill continue..

 

i think im too young for the new message board i joined.

im still so naive and inexpierienced compared to these people of all ages that post there..

 

alot of the people there are between 20 and like 40.

its a pretty cool place though.

very open.

topics about sex, drugs, activism, politics, poetry, drinking, paranoia, hippies, the future etc.

its pretty cool, but i am very ignorant.

I disagree. You definitely are not ignorant.

Don't believe everything you read. LOL

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It returns! :lol:

thats pretty rad.

it just pops back up! :]

 

anyway, since this is my own personal thread about .. speaking.. wut i do best(worst? lol)

i think ill continue..

 

i think im too young for the new message board i joined.

im still so naive and inexpierienced compared to these people of all ages that post there..

 

alot of the people there are between 20 and like 40.

its a pretty cool place though.

very open.

topics about sex, drugs, activism, politics, poetry, drinking, paranoia, hippies, the future etc.

its pretty cool, but i am very ignorant.

I disagree. You definitely are not ignorant.

Don't believe everything you read. LOL

 

i kno ignorant has a negative connotation, i dont mean it in a bad way.. i just mean that i have done alot ot learn from.

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It returns! :lol:

thats pretty rad.

it just pops back up! :]

 

anyway, since this is my own personal thread about .. speaking.. wut i do best(worst? lol)

i think ill continue..

 

i think im too young for the new message board i joined.

im still so naive and inexpierienced compared to these people of all ages that post there..

 

alot of the people there are between 20 and like 40.

its a pretty cool place though.

very open.

topics about sex, drugs, activism, politics, poetry, drinking, paranoia, hippies, the future etc.

its pretty cool, but i am very ignorant.

I disagree. You definitely are not ignorant.

Don't believe everything you read. LOL

 

i kno ignorant has a negative connotation, i dont mean it in a bad way.. i just mean that i have done alot ot learn from.

We all have something to learn. LOL

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It returns! :lol:

thats pretty rad.

it just pops back up! :]

 

anyway, since this is my own personal thread about .. speaking.. wut i do best(worst? lol)

i think ill continue..

 

i think im too young for the new message board i joined.

im still so naive and inexpierienced compared to these people of all ages that post there..

 

alot of the people there are between 20 and like 40.

its a pretty cool place though.

very open.

topics about sex, drugs, activism, politics, poetry, drinking, paranoia, hippies, the future etc.

its pretty cool, but i am very ignorant.

I disagree. You definitely are not ignorant.

Don't believe everything you read. LOL

 

i kno ignorant has a negative connotation, i dont mean it in a bad way.. i just mean that i have done alot ot learn from.

We all have something to learn. LOL

this tru. i was so sad this place was down yesterday. im glad i had other forums though :]]

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It returns! :lol:

thats pretty rad.

it just pops back up! :]

 

anyway, since this is my own personal thread about .. speaking.. wut i do best(worst? lol)

i think ill continue..

 

i think im too young for the new message board i joined.

im still so naive and inexpierienced compared to these people of all ages that post there..

 

alot of the people there are between 20 and like 40.

its a pretty cool place though.

very open.

topics about sex, drugs, activism, politics, poetry, drinking, paranoia, hippies, the future etc.

its pretty cool, but i am very ignorant.

I disagree. You definitely are not ignorant.

Don't believe everything you read. LOL

 

i kno ignorant has a negative connotation, i dont mean it in a bad way.. i just mean that i have done alot ot learn from.

We all have something to learn. LOL

this tru. i was so sad this place was down yesterday. im glad i had other forums though :]]

I am really happy not to see any more fatal errors.

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It returns! :lol:

thats pretty rad.

it just pops back up! :]

 

anyway, since this is my own personal thread about .. speaking.. wut i do best(worst? lol)

i think ill continue..

 

i think im too young for the new message board i joined.

im still so naive and inexpierienced compared to these people of all ages that post there..

 

alot of the people there are between 20 and like 40.

its a pretty cool place though.

very open.

topics about sex, drugs, activism, politics, poetry, drinking, paranoia, hippies, the future etc.

its pretty cool, but i am very ignorant.

I disagree. You definitely are not ignorant.

Don't believe everything you read. LOL

 

i kno ignorant has a negative connotation, i dont mean it in a bad way.. i just mean that i have done alot ot learn from.

We all have something to learn. LOL

this tru. i was so sad this place was down yesterday. im glad i had other forums though :]]

I am really happy not to see any more fatal errors.

:]

if your happy im happy.

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It returns! :lol:

thats pretty rad.

it just pops back up! :]

 

anyway, since this is my own personal thread about .. speaking.. wut i do best(worst? lol)

i think ill continue..

 

i think im too young for the new message board i joined.

im still so naive and inexpierienced compared to these people of all ages that post there..

 

alot of the people there are between 20 and like 40.

its a pretty cool place though.

very open.

topics about sex, drugs, activism, politics, poetry, drinking, paranoia, hippies, the future etc.

its pretty cool, but i am very ignorant.

I disagree. You definitely are not ignorant.

Don't believe everything you read. LOL

 

i kno ignorant has a negative connotation, i dont mean it in a bad way.. i just mean that i have done alot ot learn from.

We all have something to learn. LOL

this tru. i was so sad this place was down yesterday. im glad i had other forums though :]]

I am really happy not to see any more fatal errors.

:]

if your happy im happy.

LOL, well good. :)

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pshhh O-kay.

 

now i have to work on "wut i want for my b-day" :P

 

i feel icky.

Start working! LOL

 

whyy?

my b-day is in 35 daysss.

I could say... "you snooze, you lose" or "she who hesitates is lost" or "do not put off to tomorrow, what you can do today" or... LOL

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pshhh O-kay.

 

now i have to work on "wut i want for my b-day" :P

 

i feel icky.

Start working! LOL

 

whyy?

my b-day is in 35 daysss.

I could say... "you snooze, you lose" or "she who hesitates is lost" or "do not put off to tomorrow, what you can do today" or... LOL

 

or 'sleep in, be happy' or 'you only live once' or 'the government has you'

 

i just made $55. easy.

babysitting with my friend. smoking before and during.

life is sweet.

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i am so frustrated.

how can I make a difference?

i cant do anything.

 

i have a lousy attitude

and i cant "start with home"

cuz home is a battle in itself

 

how can i achieve world peace

in such a warzone?

 

sometimes i wanna die to relieve the world of my hatred.

i cant understand other's morals

PEACE is more important then GOD.

and dont say god=peace

cuz i= peace w/o any religion in my life

 

religion causes more wars

and less peace

 

theres nothing to do

even the smallest issues are not being solved

theres dying people and we're spending money

on wars and killing and bombs

and drug wars that are useless and full of hate

when all us kids dropping acid believe in a better world

 

why cant anyone see how i feel?

i wanna break out of wut i know.

my life is so little, so small

someone tell me how i can make this change

a difference

wut could i possibly grow up to be

that will benefit this WORLD,

not just my own household

and the money ill make for my children.

i dont care.

this all needs to change

its so messed up

 

i cant even deal with it all

i cant even deal with my own life

 

i need to go, before i cry.

 

XOXOXOX

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this place is such a bore.

I'm sorry to hear that. You might try the government topic. Taynio posted there and I believe you will find it an interesting thread.

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